I could hear her soft voice from my room. By soft I mean shrill. By voice I mean shouts. They fought all the time now.
Can’t you just wish her congratulations? Can’t you see that her head is out of place? What’s wrong with you?
Normally hearing these would have bothered me. Today it didn’t. I just sat, motionless staring at the TV. I wanted to reach out and turn up the volume, but I just couldn’t be too worried with it. I didn’t move. I didn’t blink. I just sat there in a not-too-distant world of my own, swallowed in the revolving vortex of time – stuck between my sweet past and promising future. By sweet I mean pungent. By promising I mean disgusting. The stink surrounded me, and I was starting to get use to the bile.
I am tired all the time now. People keep telling me I should be happy, that college is the most gratifying experience of my life. Is this truly what I’ve been waiting for? Golly, I guess this is what being overwhellemed with happiness feels like then.
I am officially an Ivy League student. Yeay. I still feel pointless and empty. I am nothing but a hard shell. Put them to your ear and hear the distant ocean.
Sound . Senses - a kind reminder of our existence.
Yet the ocean you hear is a mere reflection of the real thing, infinitesimal really. It’s like wavelengths. The further you go the more two different pitches just start sounding the same. Two different cries for help are meshed into one, until someone is annoyed enough with the disconcerting tune to just turn it hell off.
I am tired.
I feel numb.
I want to sleep. I want to laugh. I want to live. I want, I want, I want.
I want none of these.
What I truly want, only I can give myself.
What I want is to awake from the dark and silent night. Hear the shattering noise of the shell and the shrieking light of that final sunrise.
Smile.
What I want is to escape from the stewed mirror into the looking glass, and like Alice fall into the pitiless hole, but this time never come back, just hit the ground, rock hard.
Rock hard, yet leave no sound.
About Me
- gio
- "You see I have two personalities that live deep inside of me. The former is the “real me” and with her lies the reality in which my life drags along in its monotonous colors. We shall call her the “little me”. This girl is shy, unconfident, studious, and way too much of a volunteer and a people pleaser for her own good. But then, there is this other side of me; call her my “alter ego” if you wish, she is probably the one responsible for me writing this in the first place, she lives in an alternative universe where all that matters is her indulging self-importance…she is strong, sexy and confident, and I love her. I love it when she incorporates me. Hell, I love the little high that I get every time that evil woman, and yes notice how she is a woman and I am yet a girl, slips into my high heels and spends hours in front of the mirror admiring herself. This girl is so different to me that a hardly believe that she is part of me."
No comments:
Post a Comment